Life as I live it

Well long time no talk.

Lots of 'fun' going on here. As you know we did the hospital thing with my son. Everything is much better now, but the ripples throughout the emotional well-beings of all three around here have been significant. We all had some past stuff to work through as well as the current situation. Talk about energy drain.

Energy drain seems to be the name of the game in this neck of the woods. We are all on edge in our own ways. No idea what is up with any of us. I think it may be an uncertainty in the air. We really need a cleansing rite around here.

Twenty-four hours before P was sent to the hospital I got an email with an acceptance to one of the schools I applied to this year. I felt numb, then terrified - this was the third year of applying. I finally was able to tell the kids and got a resounding groan followed by NOOOOO. The next 4 days pushed having to deal with the feelings surrounding the acceptance to the background.

Then a week ago I got another second acceptance to the second program I applied to. And I got the invite to interview for the third program. It doesn't seem to rain, but pour. eek!

This morning I accepted the offers of both MHCC and PCC. PCC starts Sept 2010. MHCC starts in January 2011. I have to decide between the two, but am delaying that a bit longer.

MHCC has been using the OCNE curriculum for 3-4 years, PCC starts this year. PCC has been attending meetings with the other OCNE schools in the area since the curriculum was codified so they are aware of what is expected.

I am torn for various reasons. Mileage to the different programs is an issue. Both in fuel utilization and more importantly time utilization. The big concern of the kids is that they will see even less of me. I get that. In many ways less travel would be wonderful.

The other thing I am having a horrendous time with is that I know it was only me and my record that got me into PCC. My former manager and friend said he would write to MHCC and tell them why they needed to accept me. (His wife graduated with a great reputation from the program a year ago.) The week of my interview at MHCC I told him that if he was serious about sending the recommendation that the time had come. Now I feel that I only got in because of his recommendation. I'm not sure how to say this without seeming ridiculous... I feel I didn't get into the program on my own. I know I am far too independent and self-reliant. I know this is taking it to an extreme. But I am having a hard time letting go of the feeling it wasn't ME that got me into the program. Why was it OK to ask for recommendations when moving from high school to college, but not now? I am such an idiot sometimes.


Enough blathering. I am still knitting, working two jobs, and trying to keep three people together. Maybe I will figure out at least some portion of me sometime soon.

--Mavis