Mavis, I too have been thinking about the procrastination and sabotaging of myself. I've noticed the same behavior from myself recently and began wondering about this. I was never this way until recently. I looked back to the way I was as a child, in college and even in my early working life and at that time I always tackled tasks as they happened. If I need to write a paper it was started right after it was assigned and I never dilly-dallied over it.

So now I'm starting to wonder if this is more of a learned behavior, which I learned actually from Mr. Myrtle. I'm also starting to think it might be a major sign of depression because I'm worst about my procrastination when I am depressed.

As of lack of self worth, I know I too struggle with this aspect in my life. It's something I've been reminded of quite often these past two weeks by our brother. I don't really care how much my adult side of me tells me I am valuable, the little child in me questions this constantly and can find numerous reasons as to why I am not worthy of good things.

I doubt this helps you much, but I do believe there are reasons why things don't happen as fast or the way we'd like. I know as we traveled I used to get so upset by mechanical delays in our schedule, but as I look back at almost everyone of these times, I can see good by what happened. Like the Christmas we were at your house and my second son was running such a high fever and hallucinating. If we'd left when we should have, we would have been on I5 when the mud slides happened and covered several cars. And I got to ultimately spend more time with you even if my son thought the bookcases were attacking him.

I think your being able to spend more time with your teens this year as they dealt with some very major issues was extremely important. I think your being available to them when they needed without worrying about classes, studying for classes, and working two jobs was necessary, so it worked out for the best you didn't start school last fall. Does it place you another year out on becoming an RN yes, but in the overall scheme of things it's not a big deal. You are a great mother to my beautiful niece and nephew. You are doing the right thing and I believe in you.

So no more procrastination for either of us. We both need to get our applications in and we will hold each other accountable. I guess I should get off here, put my knitting away, and work on the final revision of my essay. :)

-Myrtle